The Ups and Downs of Pursuing a Dream

Back on my True Path via Many Detours

As a result of having my life situation being turned upside down I felt that my life was crumbling around me. If only I had the awareness of a few things that I do now because if I had I would have known that my life was growing into all sorts of possibilities – Some of which probably slipped away from me as a result of me getting in my own way too!

Although it didn’t seem like it immediately the sudden change in my life situation was awakening me to something. I had become very comfortable, but woefully unfulfilled and bored over the previous 5 years and I can see now that if I hadn’t been given a wake up call like this I may still be fast asleep and and paying a lot more visits to the doctor due to stress.

The next significant chapter covered 1998 until 2002, and this summarizes part of that. It was a period of contrasts. I had a re ignited passion for music and playing guitar, I was writing terrific songs with a guy who was a great friend and we both gained huge fulfillment from creating these songs. On the flip side I was still coming to terms with being single after 5 years and having to face what I had come to realize was a bit of a personal demon of mine: An awful fear of approaching women. I used to just freeze up and just could not bring myself to speak to anyone new for fear of rejection.

I also had a particular aversion to my job, which had become so meaningless to me that I simply switched off as soon as I walked into the office. I really liked my colleagues, but I just felt like I was stagnating in that office and I knew deep down that I would feel this way in any regular job. I wanted to be a rock star, still after all this time and in the face of all my friends and non-friends at work who used to laugh at my dream. To me it was not a dream, it was an intention, but this highlighted a attitude that many of us face when we have a desire to achieve something that those around us haven’t a hope of achieving.

That attitude is one of a necessity to destroy that dream and keep you right there where they can see you, so as not to remind them of how unfulfilled they really are in their life.

This may sound a bit arrogant of me. It is not. Any time people are jealous or negative about your intentions it is because they secretly wish that they either had the talent to do it or the guts to try it, even though they don’t realize it. To them it feels like an insult that you want something better than ‘This job’ because they take it personally. The truth is that they do have a unique talent and passion to achieve something better of their own. I wish they’d find it and stop worrying about whether I’m going to succeed or fail. They’d be much happier and successful themselves.

So from that little rant it must be quite obvious that it was quite a big thing for me. I was starting to grow a real passion for my music and an intention, but at the same time I was becoming increasingly bitter about the everyday world around me, people’s small-minded attitudes (I know, so judgmental) and the fact that every time I turned on the TV or the radio there were bands and artists who were having success, but why not me? My friend and I whilst positive about the music we were creating, were pretty negative about the world around us. We seemed to have forged this alliance of us against the entire world and it was mostly prevalent in all our conversations. I don’t think it did either of us any good and I take responsibility for my part in allowing things to get like that.

Tagged as: attitudes, intention, story